I find my self reflecting on this deeply and realizing that I live my life through my excuses, in the very same way I watched my own mother aganize her way through her life, in the past. And even though I though I have come so far away from it I am still there. And I have picked up some pretty nasty habits along the way trying to "cover it all up".
Deep in youth ministry, you would think that I was so in touch with God, and I am... at a distance. On my terms, not His. I have been so wrapped up in fixing the lives of others, leading them to God that I've used their lives turbulations to cover my own. Thus I have taken a break from the ministry... so hard for me because I am selfish and I think "how will they survive with out me" and that is the exact reason why I have to step back... the moment it became about me is the moment I needed to let go, and give them back to God.
I am:
A daughter of Christ
His beloved
Married to my very best friend
A mother to 7 wonderful children
A mother of a special needs child
Franciscan
Catholic
A nursing student
A musician
a daughter
a sister
a friend
a manager of nursing care in my home
overweight and miserable about it
dealing with OCD and rituals
loved... I am loved.
I am not:
a victim
in control of everything
alone
abandoned
afraid
OCD
discusting
Tomorrow I am starting a 30 day challange for myself.... you see it is VERY rare that I have ever finished anything I have started when it is for me, so I want to see if for 30 days I can stick to a "plan", focusing on my overall health.
1. at least 30 min of exercise each day
2. stick to appropriate calories per day using cinch program with shaklee
3. Take Vitalizer vitamins
4. No mountain dew (curse you md!)
5. No fast food
Its just 30 days....
Because right now I am:
30 yrs old
5'4"
244lbs
Neck: 15"
Chest: 45 1/2"
Abdomen: 43"
Hips: 52 1/2"
Thigh: 29"
Upper arm: 15"
Lets see what 30 day's brings....
